My weekend part 2: everything else

My saturday evening was spend at an 18th birthday party. It was relatively chill with my friends eating pizza, exchanging memes and drinking.

I was surprised by the tameness of the event, but it was a welcome change of tone from a hurricane of a week. I didn't drink much that night because work.

three things stood out that night:

1) one of my friends saying "Allah Akbar" when a chunk of the cake was dismantled. The cake consisting of what was essencially half an easter egg filled with sweets and dumped on top. He said it in front of the birthday boy's (very vanilla) parents as the egg was being struck by the tiny metal hammer.

2) I vaped. There was no nicotine in the vape pen, but I thought why not. The pen looked a little like a sonic screwdriver, which made me envy its original owner a little, but the experience was like enhailing squash, not particularly fun to be honest, but very dramatic looking as a flow of vapour followed.

3) I walked home a midnight, the rain pattering on the umbrella in a calming way as the floor reflected all the streetlights. I decided to put on a spooky podcast in order to make the most of the atmosphere.

It's remarkable how different I felt when I put on "Lore" (an eerie history podcast voiced by a man with a remarkably unnerving voice.) I changed my mind after the intro. It didn't seem like a wise idea as i walked to an empty house in the rain at night, especially as with every step i began to check behind me. So despite the ambiance i swapped to "Lorde" album. It was the line "the home has been a safe haven for centuries ..." that was the tipping point.

The next day i got dressed, and googled the train times. I had two options, slightly too early or slightly too late. I went with too early giving me 17 minutes to dash to the station. When I got there i found a smart replacement bus which gave me a free ride in exchange for 2 minutes extra of my time going the long route.

So while i was early in town I visited WH-Smiths. It was then that i saw a man that looked like Charlieissocoollike, a youtube icon who was anchored into my mind as the single representative of my childhood. "It can't be. He lives in London" I thought before I locked eyes on the booth. My heart raced and I suddenly realised why the girls at the concert felt the need to scream at Brendon Urie.

He was so normal looking and I could have literally turned around and said hi if my brain worked a fraction quicker. But alas I had missed my shot. It merely fuelled my determination. I made it my mission to meet him in person and get a shameless selfie despite my ugly work clothes and my half-arsed hair.

I found it strange that I was so obsessed. I'd met Evan Edinger that summer and it was such a normal experience, Charlie was equally as down to earth as Evan was ... so why was my heart attacking my chest? I guess that's down to sentiment for the youtube veteran that began my obsession.

Tragically I was too broke to buy the book in the slither of time I was given because #studentlife, and when I returned he wasn't there anymore. I was crushed, how dare the universe dangle Charlie Mcdonell in my face and snatch him away without a second thought. I stormed through town, scanning strangers with the hope that he stayed around a little longer.

It was fruitless and when I returned to work it took all my self control not to take it out on the customers. He would have been the reward for surviving through the week, a stressed week of homework essays and personal statements that was begining to crush my soul.

I feel like my weekend could have been perfect if I'd had the foresight, which adds so much salt to the wound. Its a weird kind of FOMO, what if I'd known? It's too late to fix it so I guess next time I'll make it work.

Until then lets hope next week is a little calmer

My weekend part 1: my first concert

My week ended on a friday, my stresses of lost wallets, personal statements and homework still present faintly in the back of my mind as i queued for a band called "panic! at the disco." I'd dropped my rucksack at work to be collected the next day and began talking to the people  to me, thinking "why not? I'm stuck here for three hours until the doors open anyway." My friend was reluctant at first but eventually aclimatised to the situation and began to converse a while after.

From the cluster of concert goers i met two stood out. Pudsy ears guy (a bloke my brothers age in Pudsy ears who was only slightly cooler than me) and a girl only slightly younger than me from Wolverhampton who had missed school to drive down. They were fun to talk to and made the fact that i was frostbitten and being rained on with my umbrella left at work bearable. We discussed everything from my lack of accent to a misunderstanding of the bible involving the spirit of Christ ejaculating over the virgin Mary (don't ask.)

We entered the building in clusters and i slipped away to buy merch before the queue developed. If i had the foresight i would have drank at this bit, biggest regret of the evening. after barging through the wall of people and returning to my spot i had even more waiting. I people-watched. Chatting casually to a cute scouse couple and playing "spot the dad" until a band finally arrived.

The first band came on, a mix of guys and girls with a female drummer. They were Australian and would have been charming if anyone knew their songs. It was then i noticed the earbuds in the ears of one of strangers i had met that night. It was so loud and bright that it would have been perfect with earbuds in. I remembered what the vlogbrothers advised about concerts in their video and regretted my decision to ignore their Advice. It was so loud and bright that i could barely make out the lyrics.

After them Brendon stepped onstage next to what could only be described as his guitarist lookalike. He preformed well, putting all the energy you'd expect. But all i could think was "I'm too sober for this." Those words orbiting my head on what would have been a great night. His rendition of "girls girls boys" stood out particularly with great showmanship.

My only comment was when he did a high note, exaggerating it as a cue for hype that made him sound like lorne from the buffy spinoff angel, the audience would shriek back in a fangirl siren scream. It was amusing at first but painful and slightly gimmicky by the sixth squeal. My main thought through most of the evening was weighing up the possibility of me getting my place back if i broke away from my little divet in the sea of teenagers.

On the flipside the concert veterans looked after me in the queue and even wondered where i was when i sneaked off to by merch.

I left, temporarily hard of hearing and so sleepy that i didn't function well, before collapsing into bed.